(1) Montgomery Burns 3211, 
(3) Groundskeeper Willy 3138Chris Galvin: If nobody would save him from the wee turtles, there's no chance anyone will save him from the most evil man in Springfield. Only a moron wouldn't vote for Monty Burns.
Andrea Ways Newman: Boo, Willy!!! Boo-urns all the way! Grizzly bear underwear beats a skirt any day!
John Wood: Willy may be a fellow Country Man, but there's just no messing with a man like Burns, national pride and brotherhood do not stand up to a man who has an army of flying monkeys. And if the monkeys don't get you then how about the hired goons. Willy jus cannae dae it!!!!
Scott Reeves: This is the greatest injustice in the history of the world! How can you people vote for that old, wart-headed geezer. He's not funny and he's not cool, get it through your thick skulls. Willy should spend less time wounding Smithers and use his strength to kill Mr. Burns. And if he fails, a savior like Moe or Ralph will come and smash burns like the gut-sucking parasite he is, and Willy will ate' the mess he left on the rug. I couldn't vote for anyone who would reject Larry as their son.
Henry Koltz: Any man who would steal a trillion-dollar bill rather than let it aid the French is a true patriot in my book. While the only Springfield resident from North Kilttown is busy hoarding grease, Monty moves one step closer to an all-Hellfish final against Abe Simpson.
Results: Sweet 16
(1) Montgomery Burns 3651, 
(4) Milhouse 1546
Could this be the end of Milhouse? You betcha. Game over, Thrillhouse. You didn't impress Burns when you auditioned to be his heir ("I specifically said NO GEEKS!"), and even though you do have certain sycophantic traits a despot like Burns admires, it won't save you here. Montgomery Burns has just given you the beating of your life. Is this what it sounds like when doves cry? No, that's the unstoppable Burns juggernaut grinding your bones to dust.
Adam Cyrus: No Poindexter will challenge the likes of C. Montgomery Burns. He'll forever be relegated to a career at the gas pump -- "You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and revulcanize my tires, posthaste!"
Matt Livenspire: Monty Burns is a despicable evil man who only has money on his mind. He crushes everything in his way. His pollution led to the 3-eyed fish. But hey, at least he wouldn't invest all his money on Bi-clops comics. Long live Monty Burns, he has the money to do it and I wouldn't want to get in the way of an old man bent on destruction.
Michael McCauley: How can you not vote for a geek who will someday get to nail Lisa Simpson?!?!
Andrew Zinner: They're not booing, they're screaming "Boooo-urns!" Sure, Milhouse is Gabby Hayes big, but that will not save him from Bobo's daddy.
(3) Groundskeeper Willy 2872, 
(2) Chief Wiggum 2217
If Chief Wiggum thought chocolate stains were tough to get out of his pants, wait until they're stained with his own blood! Groundskeeper Willy wrestled a wolf when you were suckling at your mother's teat, so handling Chief "Piggum" is a cakewalk. Well, what are you waiting for, Wiggum? Someone to kiss you goodbye?
Alan Levy: You gotta go with the true Blue American Chief Wiggum to expel and deport the skirt-wearing foreigner. Wearing a skirt? Geez, how many votes is that she-male going to get?
Yoav Hagler: Willy deserves my vote. After all, he saved the wee turtles, saved Santa’s Little Helper (albeit with some help from Lunch Lady Doris) and toils away day after day at the most degrading work known to man. And how does Wiggum treat him for his years of loyal service? He tries to shuffle him off with the tired and the hungry, or was it the huddling masses yearning to be free, I forget. On the campaign trail Willy did promise to kill the whole lot of us but we can forgive him for that, can't we?
Mark Hoey: I'll bet the retirement grease on Rowdy Roddy Peeper!
Sam Mitchell: This is a tough vote, but I can't bring myself to vote against Wiggum. His propensity to be lazy and corrupt provide too great a source of humor, as is evidenced by his pinpoint knowledge of geography ("aw geez, trees...shrubs...on a road, looks to be asphalt...I'm directly under the Earth's sun...now.") Willy's good, but other than Springfield I doubt he's ventured far out of North Kilt Town.
Results: Second Round
(3) Groundskeeper Willy 3752, 
(6) Dr. Hibbert 698
This was over before it started. Knowing the importance of the duel, Willy broke out his battle outfit -- a full-length ball gown covered in sequins to blind Hibbert with luxury. Then the bludgeoning commenced. After all, the lads have been itchin' for a fight AND THEY'VE BEEN DRINKIN' ALL DAY!! This gruff-speaking work slacker does in the good doctor like a cheese-eating surrender monkey. Or maybe it was a silk-wearing buttercup...or blouse-wearing poodle walker...or croquet-playing mint muncher.
Bill Collins:
Chris Gravely: Let's face it, Dr. Hibbert got game. Witness his one-punch knockout of Bart's evil twin brother Hugo. Willy, while fearless, always seems to end up with an ax in the back (Ach! I'm not very good at this!). It's a battle, but Hibbert wins out. Sorry Willy, there is no Scotchtoberfest, and there's no trip to the Sweet 16 for you.
Wesley Chan: I better vote for Willy. He's got that Shinning power (except between 4 and 5, that's Willy's time) and he can transform himself into large spiders and creep into my dreams if I don't vote for him. Dr. Hibbert? All he's got is that button machine. And those darn placebos...where can we get these placebos?
Gord Clifford: Dr. Hibbert is no noodle-armed choirboy but he's no match for the wiry Scotsman. Willy's ripped physique tamed the wild wolf and his loss to those ungrateful wee turtles doesn't count because he was outnumbered. Willy by a KO!
Jason Ferguson: If you don't for Willy he will get you in your dreams. The only guy I feel more sorry for than Dr. Hibbert is that guy who voted for Todd Flanders.
Carl Reichardt: Hmmmm...fractured arm...bump on the noggin...my diagnosis: Hibbert getting his Cosby-sweater-wearing ass handed to him by a greased Scotsman. When Willy's finished with him, they'll have to do a compost mortem. Hibbert's judo knowledge is no match for Willy's giant plaid bagpipe spider transformation.
(4) Milhouse Van Houten 2496, 
(5) Professor Frink 1957
Professor Frink couldn't find the funding for his death ray to use on Milhouse (which is fine, because his wife hated this whole death ray thing from day one), but elemental chaos theory tells us that all voters will eventually turn on Milhouse in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving. Until then, everything's coming up Milhouse!
Henry Koltz: Frink is living proof that the Dennis Miller Ratio exists. Only one person in a million would vote for him.
Michael S. McDonnell: I'm sure Frink would be the winner here, over Millhouse, there was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying when the monkeys stole the glasses off his head and the... Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay....
Michael Boezer: Thrillhouse is back -- in Pog form! And he's juiced up on pure Squishy, ready to leave Frink quivering in a mess of his own glaven.
Morgan Stinson: How can you vote for a dorky kid who's in love with his best friend's sister and spends all his money on Steve Allen pogs? Everything won't be coming up Milhouse because Frink will conquer with the thinking and the math and the glaven. Oh, I forgot to carry the one.
Carolyn Skidmore: You are asking me to choose between Milhouse and Frink? So this is what it feels like...when doves cry! I'm going to have to go with the former fallout boy. Kudos to any young lad with enough moxie to admit he finds Lisa's bike "disturbingly comfortable." Plus, his dad is a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory...
CH Nager: In the year 2000, computers will be twice as expensive and half again as powerful, and will probably be able to corroborate this non-upset. Frink knows about God's righteous anger, what with the wrathfulness and the vengeance and the bloodrain and the 'hey hey hey it hurts me'; while Milhouse's intellectual discoveries begin and end with noting that the bakery caught fire and downtown smells like cookies. Advantage, Frink. Mmmhey! The colors!
Scott Richardson: I've said it before and I'll say it again: Professor Frink will make you laugh AND make you think. Milhouse can only blow milk out his nose.
(1) Montgomery Burns 4062, (9) Fat Tony 1218
It's all a matter of scope when judging the evils of Fat Tony and Montgomery Burns. One man spends his time running booze and selling rat's milk to schools. The other wants to make a tuxedo out of puppies and blocks out the sun for monetary gain. Advantage, Burns. And with that, a trip to the Sweet 16.
Chris Komar: Monty Burns will send Fat Tony to sleep with the three-eyed fish.
Simon Huebner: Fat Tony would snap Burns like a twig. Also, the Italian mafia has his back. The only person who protects Burns is Smithers, who is no match for the mob.
M. Cochran: I am voting for Fat Tony only because I want something in return. I will say 'good day' to you now.
Matt Maldre: Get the cement shoes ready, Burns is dumping Fat Tony in the river.
Nick Wollen: As much as I respect Springfield's number one "legitimate businessman," my vote has to go to Springfield's oldest plutocrat. I'm confident that in this election, unlike in his battle against bleeding heart Mary Bailey, C.M. won't make the same mistakes to alienate the voters, and will in the end win the hearts and minds of the ignorant citizenry. Fat Tony is just a Jimmy Hoffa-sized bump in the road.
Joe Reiter: Can you believe Fat Tony asked me to vote for him in exchange for helping me out with a problem a few months ago? I'm disgusted...the mob did me a favor only because they expected something in return...for shame, Fat Tony...I'm voting for C. Montgomery Burns, and not because he paid me to.
(2) Chief Wiggum 3491, 
(7) Carl 1058
Goodbye, Carl. Your subtle intelligence and quiet demeanor will be missed. But alas, you were no match for the power of Chief Clancy Wiggum. When one can muster that much support despite rampant abuses of power and excessive powdered sugar and chocolate stains on his uniform, he's a tough nut to crack. As long as the aquarium sells those frozen bananas, he's on the job.
CH Nager: This isn't even close -- The "Fifth Be-Sharp" will run Carl over on his way to Greektown for some of those gyros. I bet Carl couldn't even snap Wiggum's undies.
Mike Polisky: I'm sorry, but you've gotta give it up for a guy who can pick up his telephone, say, "Sarah, get me Superintendent Chalmers," and watch his wife dial the phone. Also any guy who's taken on that crazy third dimension with his gun has got my vote.
Brian Cruickshank: I've got 14 words that sum up my feelings on Chief Wiggum: "Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows - everything that's wonderful is what I feel whenwe're together."
Results: First Round (6) Dr. Hibbert 2655, 
(11) Agnes Skinner 958
For this matchup, the phrase 'hot beef injection' seemed to be most fitting. In Hibbert's case, it's that extra burger prescribed by Homer at the grand Simpsons barbecue ("Diagnosis...delicious!"), while for Agnes, all I can see is darkness...then I hear the rustling of sheets...the lightswitch is flipped and....Sweet Merciful Crap, she's having sex with Comic Book Guy! That conjures up more Terror Sweat than a hundred button guns. I feel so dirty.
Matt Fischer: If Seymour was invited to the second round, then Agnes must have been invited, too.
Kristin Hamlin: This is a hard one, because obviously Hibbert is the much more likeable character. But I have to vote for Agnes here. Both characters symbolize mockery in their own way -- Dr. Hibbert was introduced when "The Simpsons" was scheduled against "The Cosby Show", and Agnes Skinner does nothing but cruelly mock people. At the same time, there is a difference: Hibbert imitates, while Agnes is an original. Besides, the added presence of Dr. Nick automatically lends Dr. Hibbert a fair amount of credibility ("Just as good as Dr. Hibbert!", as Dr. Nick's ads say). Meanwhile, whether demanding that the Investorettes exploit fat children or embarking on a passionately sexual affair with the Comic Book Guy, Agnes is her own woman. Compared with most of the show's characters, who are easily victimized by life, she is one of the few truly fierce, independent spirits. I can't stand her -- but that's the point.
Sean McKee: This is a tough matchup, actually, more so than a 6 and 11 seed would suggest. That said, Agnes may be a "lamb of god," but Hibbert gets my vote due mostly to that time he punched out Hugo.
Mike Boylan: The good doctor has looked like Mr. T, Stevie Wonder and Bill Cosbyduring his esteemed career as a physician. He is also Bleeding Gums Murphy's long-lost brother, a member of the Springfield Chapter of MENSA and quick to hand out a wowwypop.
(5) Professor Frink 2484, 
(12) Jimbo Jones 1050
As we have all seen, there truly is no limit to Professor John Frink's intellect -- Gamble-Tron 2000, the 77X42 super sour ball, the Frinkiac-7, Virtual Chili and a Death Ray (even if it does only have evil applications), to name a few. The extent of Jimbo's worldly knowledge seems to be theft and swinging a sack of doorknobs. Jimbo wouldn't know a pickle matrix if it bit him on the ass. Frink wins, what with the monkeys and the flying motorcycle and the glay-vin! Mmm-hey!
Professor Frink, Professor Frink, He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think, He likes to run, and then the thing, with the... mm-m person...
Joe Hauck: I owe my allegiance to Jimbo Jones, the man whose famous come-on line"uhhhh, do you mind if I take my pants off, they're chafing me too" hasworked on countless females for me as well. All right, it was one. But itdid worked! Really!
Trent Trail: I have carefully crafted a device that will give me the best reason to be voting for Professor Frink... and the machine is working and the main reason is.... LOVE??? Alright... who's been screwing with this machine?!
Kevin Waltman: Jimbo will make creamed crap out of Professor Frink. Once he's done with the beating, and Frink has gasped his last, Jimbo will taunt him with theinimitable: Way to breathe, no-breath.
Colin Meiklejohn: "Step aside you fools, just step aside! The matchup is mine, mine, with the acting, and the groupies, and the 'Luke, Luke save me' and the vwing,vwing, vwiiiiing." Look for Frink to open up a can of wrathfulness,vengeance, blood rain, and hey hey hey it hurts me on Jimbo. Not even themost potent of frog exaggerators can save the juvenile delinquent now.
Noreen Hobson: It's time for the smart, geeky types to take down the bullies. If this poll is the only place we can make this happen, so be it. I hope the professor shows Jimbo the business end of a bunson burner.
Erik Williams: C'mon, Jimbo is not the most dynamic person, but he is an integral part of the bully lifestyle that eggs on young Bart! Without Jimbo, Reverend Lovejoy would never have rescued Ned Flanders from BaboonLand USA! Without Jimbo,Lisa's short-lived tryst with Nelson would not have taken on such a Romeoand Juliet feel! Without Jimbo, beatings in Springfield would be 1/3 shorter!
(2) Chief Wiggum 241, 
(15) Helen Lovejoy 11
Now we're jammin'! Chief Wiggum dispatched Helen Lovejoy as easily as he cracks a nut with his gun. Consider Helen DUI....or DOA, I get those confused. So until the good people of this town rise up against the corrupt cops, Wiggum's coasting to victory. Where's your messiah now, Lovejoy?
Mike Selinker: As my co-worker Dave just said about Helen Lovejoy, "Isn't she the deadone?" Well no, Dave, but she might as well be. Chief Wiggum locks her up and throws away the key (if he knew where it was in the first place).
Kavita Makhijani: Move it along, move it along. Nothing to see here...except for Chief Wiggum beating the crap out of The Rev's wife! I wish I lived in a town that had a Wiggum-type police chief. Well, I do live in Seattle...
Michael Visaya: I don't like cops (sorry, Dad), but Chief Wiggum earned my respect years ago. It's comforting to know that if my house should ever blow up in amushroom cloud of beer, Chief Wiggum will be there (proceeding on foot ifnecessary) to assist with the cleanup.
Michael Vicki: It looks like it's time for the Fleet-A-Pita truck to break down...Helen Lovejoy is no contest to the star of Chief Wiggum P.I. I mean, has Helen Lovejoy ever ordered someone to "come out with your hands up, two cups of coffee, an auto freshener that says Capricorn, and something with coconut on it?" Now... where did I put my badge? Hey! That duck's got it!... awww c'mom give it back!
Beth Mitleider: Mrs. Lovejoy would take Wiggum, no questions asked! Channeling all of her religious zeal and sexual frustration, kicking the Chief's ass would be noproblem. You know she'd be "thinking of the children" the whole time.
Chris Galvin: I gotta go with Wiggum. I predict the biggest rout remaining until "Murdoch v. Collins."
(3) Groundskeeper Willy 74, 
(14) Todd Flanders 1
With just seconds to spare before voting closed, Todd Flanders was saved the embarrassment of being our first shutout. Much like his brother Rod, this Flanders garnered a single vote -- from one Carissa McCart. It wouldn't be right if I didn't point out that you can reach her at cmccart@openschool.bc.ca (since I did the same to the idiot who voted for Rod), but be nice -- it was her first time voting. Another vote for Todd came in after the tabulation had been completed, so Nick Ebinger, you've been saved from a modicum of semi-public ridicule.
Greg Davis: I imagine if Willy doesn't win this round, his first act will be to kill the whole lot of us, and burn our towns to cinders. So, aggch...back to the lochwith you, Todd Flanders!
Jeff Diecks: After sipping a "wee nip of courage," Groundskeeper Willy quickly disposes of this "noodle-armed choirboy."
Rob Wuthrich: Without ev'n breakin' a sweeet, the red-haired, shirt-ripping,kilt-wearing, naked-bum-showing Scottish Willy will literally MOW over thecompetition. Look for the remains of Todd to be added to Willy's pile ofretirement grease. The big question is, will anyone vote for Todd after thepublic humiliation the sole voter of Rod received.
Michael Visaya: The real question here is ... Can the grass-roots Viet Nguyen coalition rebound from that savage 31-1 beatdown little Ralph Wiggum administered on Rod Flanders and muster enough support to propel this 14-seed Flanders boy into the second round? Sorry, Todd. Not a chance. As sure as colored chalk is forged by Lucifer himself, Willy wins this one in a landslide.
Matthew Hood Leach: I go with Willy, though his fascistic tendencies -- the opposition to the colored chalk, for example -- bother me greatly.
Kate McEntee: Even though I'm Irish and have issues, at times, with those damn Scots, I've gotta vote for Willy. We redheads have to stick together.
Monte Cook: It's goht ta be Willah, an' nah the wee lass. Oh, criiipes! It's a lil' lad, nah a gurl! Ooh, muh lunch is crawlin' up me pipe. A lad! Whooda thunk? I'ma goona be seck, now. (1) C. Montgomery Burns 60, 
(16) Kearny 1
As many predicted, Monty Burns released the hounds and gave Kearny the beating of his life. So many of you liked the cut of Burns' jib that you set a new record for votes in one matchup. But should we be surprised? Don't forget the classic campaign song from when Burns ran for mayor:
The only soul to be that moron is named Dan Kearney. In his own words....
Dan Kearney: This Kearney votes that Kearny in a stunning upset -- hisyouth and vitality, combined with his early foray into life's toughexperiences, give him the stamina to outlast the doddering fool Burns.
In a startling twist, Kearny did not carry the entire Kearney family voting bloc:
Brian Kearney (brother of Dan): I gotta vote for Burns. Even though his opponent virtually shares my last name, a No. 16 has never beaten a No. 1, and today's not going to be the first time. Geez -- Burns wore tissue boxes on his feet once!
There was no such waffling among the Montes of the world:
Monte Cook: Your pathetic Joe-Sixpack attempt to match up someone against Montgomery Burns would make me laugh -- if I did that sort of thing. Don't sully myemail with your bald-headed baffoon. 'Kearny' indeed! Why, in my day...Smithers, bring me my thrashing cane! Oh, all right then -- you thrash him! I'll wait in the autogyro while you finish up.
Bernie Case: I'm going to have to give Burns my vote. All that radiation has probably turned him into some sort of an atomic superman!
Andy Collins: Good God, what a slaughter. Kearny, a mere schoolyard bully, is no match for the pure, unadulterated evil that is C. Monty Burns. Burns barely has to lift a finger to unleash upon poor Kearny the plague, the killer robots, or the dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you.
Boo-urns, Boo-urns, Boo-urns!
Jim Wilkie: C. Montgomery Burns because he'll never die.
Liane Aronchick: Surely you jest. Burns, the oldest, richest, and most evil man in Springfield, will eat the adolescent soul of Kearny for breakfast (as prepared by Smithers, but nonetheless devoured ravenously and mercilessly).
(9) Fat Tony 36, 
(8) Selma 6
Question: How quickly can you whack Selma and move on to the second round?
Fat Tony: Four minutes.
Five minutes later, the streets ran with the nicotine-laced blood of the second Bouvier sister to be struck down in as many weeks. Fat Tony didn't even need to grease the political machinery with a kickback carefully disguised as a sack full of money with a dollar sign on it.
Viet Nguyen: Fat Tony doesn't have a picture on the website because he's on the Witness Protection Program, isn't he?
Or at least he will be after one of his capos causes Selma to sleep with da fishes.
James Quintong: It's starting to become clear that neither Bouvier is all that interesting on her own. The vote goes for Fat Tony -- he makes Joe Mantegna relevant and is much more multilayered stereotype than that Italian chef.
Chris Aronchick: I asked both Fat Tony and Selma to "fix" a ticket for me. Selma didn't even offer to erase it from the computer system (too busy enjoying flavor country, I suppose). Fat Tony, meanwhile ... well, let's just say that accidents do happen, such as the killing of ... uh, I've said too much.
Anywho, Fat Tony came back to me for a favor, and that favor was to vote for him. While he didn't give me any change, I vote for him anyway.
Scott Magner: Fat Tony told me that if Selma wins, I lose the appendage of his choice. Fat Tony all the way.
David Andriesen: Ralph beats Rod, Comic-Book Guy beats Superintendent Chalmers, Barney beats Poochie ... the moral? Always bet on the fat guy. And who could embody fatguys more than a guy with "Fat" in his name? Tony's the man.
Jim Wilkie: Fat Tony because I can't vote for one of Victor's aunts.
(7) Carl 19, 
(10) Lou 10
I'd write something witty about this matchup, but there really isn't much to say. As a Stonecutter, apparently Carl bought enough votes to make this an easy victory.
Daniel Kaufman: Carl! The codpiece was a good look for him, over Lou's sideways gun-toting antics.
Jeff Grubb: What a crummy matchup! Two guys who exist so Homer and Wiggum don't have to talk to blank walls! Gosh, where's Krusty's monkey when you need him? OK. I choose. . . Carl. No, Lou. No, Carl. No, wait a minute, Lou. Whichwas which again?
Hang on, I've got a coin. Heads is Carl, Tails is Lou. Damn, it rolledunder the file cabinet. OK, OK, I choose . . . Carl. Yeah, Carl. If only so we can see him smashed later in the tourney. And only because Krusty's monkey isn't in therunning.
Liane Aronchick: Definitely Carl. Sure, he doesn't talk much, and when he does it's something sublty scathing (Is Lenny really that dumb,is Barney really that drunk, is Homer really that lazy bald and fat?).But at least he has a masters degree ... the fact that Lou is the brains of theSpringfield police department is just too disturbing a factto win my vote. Of course, that could be the medicinal marajuanatalking...
Dan Shmikler: I was sorely tempted to go with Lou, because:
But, ultimately, I had to go with Carl on the basis of his sound advice to a friend in a bad place:
"Homer, quit wallowing in self-pity. Pull yourself together, and come get drunk with us."
Plus, he's too handsome to date Selma.
Mark Haubner: Lou. Loves what he does.
(4) Milhouse Van Houten 26, 
(13) Maude Flanders 2
It's all about Thrillhouse. Everyone's favorite geek went crazy Broadway style on Maude's dead ass. But that's not a reason to forget Maude. Perhaps Reverend Lovejoy said it best:
Lovejoy: In many ways, Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives. She didn't grab our attention with memorable catchphrases, or comical accents.
Willie: Aye.
McAllister: Yar.
Frink: Oh, glaven, why, glaven?
Lovejoy: But, whether you noticed her or not, Maude was always there ... and we thought she always would be.
It should be noted that the only votes for Maude came from the Wizards of the Coast office. What sort of weird dead prude fixation is going on there, I don't want to know.
What you said:
Trent Trail: Milhouse will take this one with ease. Yes, he has a gladiator for a step-dad, and yes he is Fallout Boy ... and despite the fact that his glasses will fall off and he can't see jack squat, I still think that he will have no problem with Maude for one reason.... Maude is dead. nuff said.
Craig D. Barker: Maude, eh? Nah, gotta vote for Van Houten. All great Simpsons characters are tragic, Milhouse is far more than Maude, even with Maude's death.
Mike Selinker: I'm voting for Maude. Just like in John Ashcroft's case, it's really not smart to run against a dead person.
Scott Magner: In the neverending battle between plunging necklines and nerds with pogs, Maude Flanders has to win out. Even though she is dead, Maude has thatSpringfield style. Milhouse will evolve into a second stage Costanza, and weshouldn't encourage that sort of thing.
Play-in game: Kearny 17, 
Dolph 3
No contest. If not for late precincts reporting Friday morning, this would have been a shutout.
What you said:
Chris Aronchick: Kearny. In "This Little Wiggy," he says to Bart at the Knowledgeum, "Simpson, go kiss the Virtual Ass."
Monty Ashley: This is a tough matchup. I'm going to have to vote for Kearney, because he was the one who had a Newton. And because he threw it at Martin.
Jackilyn Huber: My vote is for Kearny. He's supposed to be in elementary school, yet he shaves at school and talks about his divorce on the school bus, he has a kid who sleeps in a drawer, and he's been in prison with Snake. He may be a bully, but at least he spends time with his son (teaching him to destroy sandcastles at the beach) and worries about missing his birthday. He's also got a lot more solo appearences than Dolph and becomes Lisa's bodyguard when she's President in the future.
Dan Shmikler: I gotta go with Kearny, based on his sharp historical insights: "Those tall ships sure raised the country's spirits after Watergate!"
Bill Collins: I go with Dolph. Love the hair. It captures the cruel, yet vapid nature of the lad's personality. He will become a tax accountant