(2) Moe Szyslak 2908, 
(4) Apu Nahasapeemapetilon 2521John Lee: The Kwik-E-Mart or Moe's Tavern? Remember, at the Kwik-E-Mart you can buy a six-pack of Duff and delicious snack treats. At Moe's, all you can get is Duff and roach-infested pickled eggs. Apu or Moe? Apu, like all Kwik-E-Mart managers, is skilled in the deadly arts. He has been shot eight times this year, and as a result he almost missed work. He even took a bullet to protect James Woods. Moe runs and hides like a little girl behind his bulletproof glass when faced with armed robbery by Snake.
Eric Kuflik: Even though Moe is a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and his butt smells and he likes to kiss his own butt, he is still ruthless -- especially towards "them immigrants, they want all the benefits of living in Springfield, but they ain't even bothered to learn themselves the language."
Jeff Dorfman: Do you vote for the one who will blast a cap in your ass if you can't pay your bar tab, or the one who will take a bullet for you if it means you will "come again!"? The choice is clear. Take the road to enlightenment.
Christopher Lakos: Moe has to get the nod here because he served as Homer's boxing manager and his bookie, plus helped him in several capers. Meanwhile, Apu turned him in for tax evasion and his raunchy hot dogs led Homer to the hospital for multiple heart attacks.
Results: Sweet 16
(2) Moe Szyslak 4113, 
(6) Comic Book Guy 2430
Perhaps Comic Book Guy should have studied his "She-Hulk vs. Leon Spinks" comics before throwing them out -- he might have learned something about the sweet science. Instead, Kid Moe wiped the floor with him. Apparently being a member of the NRA helps you more in a fight than being a member of MENSA. For Comic Book Guy, he now must return to his fortress of solitude, where he can strike a classic Lorne Greene death pose from "Battlestar Galatica."
Jason Maniccia: If Moe Szyslak loses this vote, the next words you speak will be muffled by your own butt.
Michael Cunningham: As a fellow member of Alt.Nerd.Obsessive, I too can find out any piece of trivia about anything in under 7 minutes. It is my guarantee...I will continue to vote for him until he is the "Champion of the Universe." Otherwise I will be on the internet voicing my displeasure to the world only hoping that there are enough emoticons to express my rage.
Andrew Zinner: I'm voting for Moe, since he offered to buy me a steak as big as a toilet seat. As for you CBG, don't crack wise with me, Tubby. "Worst landslide EVER."
Dave Lee: (For Moe)...You didn't vote for me??!! Man! You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch people in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt unless you're on a team. Well, I'm better than dirt -- well, most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I -- I can't compete with that stuff.
(4) Apu Nahasapeemapetilon 3705, 
(1) Ned Flanders 1988
You suck-diddily-uck, Flanders! Being his ever-friendly Christian self, Ned opened the showdown by offering Apu's god a peanut. Bad idea. As it turns out, Apu's repressed anger from raising octuplets far exceeded anything Ned could conjure up from his nonsensical jabbering. Thank you for coming -- I'll see you in Hell!
Mark Pratt: Silly customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie! Nor can you defeat Apu Debeaumarchais, even if you are Springield's most buff senior citizen and foster parent to neglecterinos.
Jeremy Getson: How can you vote for someone who believes in a god with only two arms?
Guenther: Tough match up, Apu can clearly be more entertaining. But you have to vote for Neddie. He is the yang to Homer's yin, and what a yang he is (look closely at the shower scene in his bachelor video -- yikes, past his knee!).
Robyn and Jeff Sinder: Ned's the Man! As homer said, "he's a big four-eyed lame-o and he wears the same stupid sweater everyday. Everything in his house has a Pat Boone-ish quality to it." But you gotta vote for a man who as a child spent 8 months in the University of Minnesota's Spankological Protocol. He's the kind of guy women love and other men fear.
Results: Second Round
(2) Moe Szyslak 4149, 
(10) Hans Moleman 1053
We all knew the paradise that had become Hans Moleman's life could not continue. So after one month of glory, it's back to the excruciating existence that is his life. At least it looks like the politics that plagued Moe's boxing career have yet to surface on the Road to Springfield. That, or he sought out people who were going to vote against him and ripped out their eyeballs with a corkscrew.
Lori Kane: Moe is the hottest, well at least the part that's showing. He could have a lotta weird scars or a fake ass or somethin'. I'd still want to get Duffed.
Sam Mitchell: Both Hans and Moe have led hard lives, but Moe's was harder. I mean, he's been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly. But Moe's a well-wisher, in that he doesn't wish Hans Moleman any specific harm. Which is why he will cover all the bases, by gouging out Hans' eyes, shoving them down his pants so he can watch Moe kick the crap out of him, then using his tongue to paint his boat. No doubt afterward Moe will remark, "it could have been a real ugly situation, but I managed to shoot him in the spine."
Robert Cheifetz: Anyhow, I vote for Hans Moleman. During his showdown with Moe, the sun shines behind Hans, sending its rays -- greatly magnified -- through his eyeglasses. Moe, who is soaked in cheap hooch, bursts into flames.
The Turkish Delight: Moe's gonna hit Hans in the face so hard, he'll have to shove a toothbrush up his but butt to brush his teeth -- he's gonna rip off his ears and...I can't believe this, I'm choking on my own rage here...
Chad A.: Gotta go with Hans, after all, I can sympathize with a 31-year old who looks 200 and suffers a terrible pain every daaaaaaaaaay. You have to admire a guy who can obtain so many varied jobs as little Moleman has over the years. He tastes just like a peanut!
Brian Adams: How can anyone think the Moleman even has a chance in this one? His name is Hans, drinking has ruined his life and he's only 31 years old! As Moe would say "I don't want no one in here with their 'evils of alcohol' rap." Moe will definitely take Moleman to school, considering Hans teaches the lowly "How to Eat an Orange" class, while Szyslak is learn-ed in the ways of "Funk Dancing for Self-Defense." Moe in a cakewalk, if he hasn't already stapled a flag to Hans Moleman's butt and mailed him to Iran.
(4) Apu Nahasapeemapetilon 2697, 
(5) Kent Brockman 549
Who needs Kent Brockman? Not many of you, apparently. Everyone's favorite TV anchorman was summarily tossed out of the tournament by Apu like so many hot dogs many days after their pull-date. This isn't just a win for Apu, it's a victory for Poonam, Sashi, Pria, Uma, Anoop, Sandeep, Nabendu, and Gheet. A few more arranged marriages and Apu can challenge the Cletus clan to a re-enactment of the Civil War. The South shall rise again!
Andrew Zinner: "Hey, hey! This is not a lending library! Put that down or I'll blow your heads off!" Words of wisdom from the obvious choice. Kent can go back to toiling in the sugar mines for his ant overlords, as his candidacy disappears like so much danish.
Andrew Black: How can you not vote for "Kenny Brockelstein!?!?!?" So what if he was ashamed that he's Jewish and desperate for big time local news stardom? The guy has reported all the top stories and, unlike certain "professional" journalists, knows to take a tip from his daughter that a fact-filled thirty minute show about a Lisa Lionheart doll is more newsworthy than a story about the President being arrested for murder. They should have passed Proposition 24! Apu's days are numbered at the Kwik-E-Mart (and in Ohio, Stop-E-Mart). If Kent doesn't win, it will be time for his loyal viewers to crack each others heads open and feast on the goo inside. In his immortal words, "It's in Revelations, PEOPLE!"
Robert Cheifetz: Apu wins by TKO -- Kent chokes to death trying to pronounce Nahasapeemapetilon.
Stephen C. Shaklee: Though Brockman's quick reaction to bow down and worship the giant ants shows he is willing to do whatever it takes to win, he is still no match for Apu's incredible work ethic and shop-keeper charm. Thank you, vote again.
Jeff Burke: Apu should put that bitch Kent Brockman on ice. Apu gets my vote out of respect. Respect for a man who understands how feeble it is for a customer to try to destroy a twinkie. Respect for a man who would pretend to not know English just to get out of pumping a yuppie women's gas. And lastly respect for a man who loves America more then I love an ice cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.
(1) Ned Flanders 2136, 
(8) Otto 1516
A closer matchup than many predicted. Could this be a sign that Ned is vulnerable? Charlie Church didn't exactly convert all the voters to his side. But a win is a win for Ned, so get out the Crayolas and color him "Tickled Pink!"...although we're unclear about what Ned thinks about the tournament as a whole, since he most likely considers it a form of gambling. As for Otto, it's time to be held back again -- but look what that did to you back in the fourth grade. Now you drive the school bus! Zeppelin rules!!!
Brian Hight: Ned Flanders is the perfect foil for Homer as a "neighborino," and I have to admire his entrepreneurial moxie for creating the Leftorium. However, I come here to bury Ned Flanders, not to praise him. Otto not only has one-name rock star notoriety, but is a man who can handle an entire busload of kids at once -- unlike Flanders, who couldn't even put up with Ms. Krabappel's class (and if Flanders was truly saintly, you'd think he'd be able to perform of the miracle of substitute teaching). Moreover, while Otto "loves to get blotto," Flanders not only can't handle his blackberry schnapps, but he feels guilty for calling Ann Landers "an old biddie." However, the only real justification I need in voting against Flanders is...Nachos Flanders Style! I'd rather have Moe force a plate of steakfish from the Family Feedbag down my throat than have to stomach Flanders' snacks.
Geoffrey Michael: Ned is going to bury Otto in this one (but "not so deep that the Lord can't find him...and judge him").
Paul Hazen:I wanted to vote for Otto but I just couldn't get Ned's well-hewn buttocks out of my head! "Stupid sexy Flanders!" Chalk one up for old Neddy.
Erick T. Bieger: On the surface, this appears to be a battle of opposites. But when one looks closely, we see the true evil behind Ned Flanders. From chili fraud (5 alarm my butt!) to being the Prince of Darkness himself (it's always the one you least suspect), Flanders embodies all that is unholy. This is why I whole-heartedly pledge my allegiance to the evil that spawned Rod and Todd.
(6) Comic Book Guy 4608, 
(3) Principal Skinner 3542
Sometimes, a matchup is just two combatants fighting to the death. Other times, it represents something much, much larger. In cutting a swath of destruction into the Sweet 16, Comic Book Guy has taken out the top two representatives of the Springfield educational system. What, exactly, does this say about the priorities of this town? Of this country? But since my breakfast burrito is congealing rapidly, I do not have time to finish this debate. For after my meal, a quick round of Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge awaits.
David Vacca: As Agnes Skinner puts it, "You're failing, Seymour. What is it about you and failure?" Comic Book Guy has gotten the best of both Agnes Skinner (about which the less said, the better) and Superintendent Chalmers (in the last round) -- two things Principal Skinner could never do. I expect that Comic Book Guy will slaughter Skinner, render his corpse into ground meat and wrap it into cheap flour tortillas, which should provide adequate sustenance for any "Dr. Who" marathon that presents itself.
Michael Visaya: When Principal Skinner can produce a bootlegged copy of "Itchy and Scratchy meet Fritz the Cat" (with its frank depiction of sex and narcotic consumption), I will vote for him. Until then, I go with Comic Book Guy. He's not just on the Road to Springfield, he's racing for the title of champion of the universe.
Jeanne Gilbert: This battle is the equivalent of angel on the right shoulder, devil on the left. While I cannot claim that Skinner cares to save the children's souls (beyond what they say of his skills as a principal), neither can I claim that CBG wishes to harm them (they merely fund his personal comic Jones). But it is a moral battle nonetheless, and, because TV situations always work out in the end, this battle resolves in favor of the good guy, Skinner.
Joe Bednar: Don't blame me that Skinner's still here. I voted for Kang and Kodos. This time, up against yet another foe with utter disdain for most of humanity, Skinner will finally go down in a mild upset. Only one of these men is truly content with his place in the world, and it's not Seymour -- and self-confidence counts in the chaotic second round. Yes, it's time for the principal to sit down and share a steamed ham with Mom on the sidelines. On to the Sweet 16 with CBG.
Results: First Round
(2) Moe Szyslak 2905, 
(15) Lunch Lady Doris 224
For a man who killed the original Alfalfa for stealing his gag on the Little Rascals, Moe has no problem dispatching Lunch Lady Doris. Is it with "the stingah" from his boxing days as Kid Gorgeous (or Kid Presentable, Kid Gruesome or Kid Moe)? Or perhaps he can turn to his skills in snake handling. Regardless, Doris is left to wallow in her bunly goodness and Moe must wait for another day to join Maude Flanders in heaven.
Alan Levy: You gotta go with Moe on this one. After losing 40 consecutive boxing matches, in a boxing career that was cut short because of "politics," he's due to win one. As for Lunch Lady Doris, no matter how many times she hits the "Independent Thought Alarm" button, no one is coming to save her from the Meat Grinder!
Dan Uslan: Here I am, Uncle Moe! This'll be a treat, Uncle Moe--TO KICK YOUR FAT, HUMAN-MEAT SERVING, HAIRNET-WEARING ASS!
Craig D. Barker: I think Moe may be the rare case of popular and underrated all in one. A complete loser, he still has the cojones to needle Homer because he feels superior to him. Besides, haven't we all had that urge to kill at a family-style restaurant? Moe in a walk.
Mike DeKnight: I wonder if Lunch Lady Doris will want a "Manic Mouse" or "Bluebird of Unhappiness" Chewable Prozac For Kids when she suffers from the severe depression from knowing that the former owner of Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag crushed her in the first round. I mean, Moe is very impressive. As Homer would say, "Wow, it's Moe, the guy from the commercial! And he knows my name!"
Todd Andrews: I've made Moe my Smooth Jimmy Apollo's "Lock of the Week." And if he doesn't win this match up...I will hunt down every single person who voted for Lunch Lady Doris and when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes with a corkscrew and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
(3) Seymour Skinner 2999, 
(14) Kang and Kodos 1861
He may not be principal of the line, but for at least one day, Seymour Skinner is principal of the universe! Combining his green beret training and his time in public school administration, he easily ventured into the wood shop and fashioned a board with a nail in it to beat away Kang and Kodos. Think of it as an extension of his Stonecutter responsibilities -- if he is to keep the Martians under wraps, he certainly can stave off invasion from two Rigelians. Shazbot!
Bahrad Sokhansanj: Skinner might have his patented Albany Steamed Hams but if you can think of a better way to exchange long protein strings, I'd like to hear it...
Kevin Waltman: Principal Skinner will put out Kang and Kodos with his new Italian loafers. Because Over, Under, In and Out -- that's what shoe-tying's all about!
Dan Shmikler: Thanks to our ridiculous two-party system, I must vote for either Kang or Kodos, although either would enslave the Earth. I would vote for a third party candidate, but that would just be throwing my vote away.
Wayne Giacalone: My vote goes for Kang and Kodos... for they move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom
Matt Van Becelaere: I am really ashamed for the slice of society that voted for Skinner in this matchup. Despite the fact that Seymour has more appearances/lines in the show, Kang and Kodos have proven that they not only represent a superior race but also represent superior humor. I guess "it doesn't matter how you vote, either way your planet is doomed."
Shane Francis: Anyone who can localize the entire Aurora Borealis completely within his kitchen, gets my vote. Done AND done....and I mean done.
(5) Kent Brockman 2246, 
(12) Bumblebee Man 2178
Would you say it's time for Kent to crack open Bumblebee Man's head and feast on the goo inside? Yes, I would. Bumblebee Man had a narrow lead after the first few hours of voting, but an overnight ratings rally means Kent doesn't have to welcome his new insect overlord. Here's to another round of Kent speculating on who's gay and what types of soft drinks have been found to be lethal! Besides, if Bumblebee Man ever came over to Kent's house, he would most certainly be bitten by the llama.
David Andriesen: You might remember that Chespirito (or Pedro, his name has never really been made clear) once filled in for Kent Brockman's newscast. If only the change has been permanent! How can you not vote for a man who is in a custody battle over a chihuahua, who played a foreign exchange student on "Dawson's Creek," who once beat Krusty in the ratings!? Vive el Hombre de Bumblebee!
Thomas Klein: Brockman and Bumblebee Man have been on the outs ever since their bowling team lost to the Pin Pals. Now Kent will say "Buenas noches, senorita" to Bumblebee Man. Bumblebee Man will only be able to say "Donde esta mi tequila." And for anyone who doesn't like it: "This just in, go to hell!"
Monty Ashley: If he's good enough for Senor Spielbergo, he's good enough for me. Bumblebee Man es muy bueno!
Troy Rhodes: Bumblebee Man is not only funnier than Kent Brockman, he can deliver the news better (and can pronounce Kuala Lumpur) Aieee-yie-yie!!!!
Wouter: This has to be a clear vote for Brockman. But unfortunately in the end he might lose, to put in his own words: "It has been proven over and over, democracy simply does not work.."
(8) Otto 184, 
(9) Scratchy 74
I'll let the Pin Pals speak for this one:
Dan Bance: I predict that Otto will be the latest upset victim. Everyone loves random bits of violence. Plus, Scratchy never laments his tortured victim status. He takes it like a man.
Robert Cheifetz: I used syllogistic logic for this one:
Andrew Hughey: Otto or Scratchy? Doesn't much matter since whoever wins will get the Holy Rollin' smackdown from Our Man Ned in the second round. So, I might as well just go for Scratchy considering his previous victim experience. If someone's gonna get beat to a bloody pulp by Flanders, I want someone who knows how to do it right.
Lance Nathan: You know, I haven't been voting, since I'm not too up on my Simpsons, but this one warrants comment. They're certainly close -- neither speaks coherent English, for instance. But I went to Brown, and Otto nearly had tenure there, so I've got to go with school pride.
James Quintong: Even more so than splitting up the Bouvier sisters, breaking up Itchy and Scratchy in this tournament means doom since it's hard to think of one without the other, even if they do things well on their own. The vote goes to Otto because of this. Of course there's also the matter of hiring Cyanide (a Poison tribute band) for his wedding. Plus, he's one hell of a bowler when he's not fishing for a lobster harmonica or Harvard diploma in the crane game at the bowling alley.
Peter Fivel: For a character with so few lines and so many lives, it's no contest. If Otto's torso burned up on re-entry I don't think we would ever see him again.
(4) Apu Nahasapeemapetilon 42, 
(13) Disco Stu 15
Back away, not today, Disco Stu! Your lack of advertising doomed you from the start. Apu just had too many weapons in his arsenal, from the all-syrup squishee to the after-dinner burrito. As both a father and a small-business owner, Apu is a man of love and a man of convenience, while Disco Stu is merely a man of convenient love.
James Quintong: Disco Stu doesn't advertise, which hurts his cause immensely. Thus, the vote goes to Apu, a ubiquitous figure in all of Springfield. He's an accomplished student, has an advanced degree, holds a steady job and can really wow the women. He's also a vegetarian, if that's your type of thing. Even my Indian friends love Apu. "Please do not give my god a peanut."
Jeff Diecks: Disco Stu may not need to advertise, but even bullets can't stop Apu. Score one for the guys who are "taming our tigers and kicking our field goals."
David Andriesen: I have brought with me an assortment of jerkies! Apu it is. Also, we in the Seattle P-I sports would like to point out that there's a player in the NCAA women's golf tournament from Duke who, if she married Apu, would be named Virada Nirapathpongporn-Nahasapeemapetilon.
Andrew Mason: Got to give today's vote to Apu. After all, he's succeeded in business by utilizing such marketing stunts as converting his store to the Freak-E Mart and the Nude-E Mart. Disco Stu has an awareness problem, mainly because he doesn't advertise.
Kavita Makhijani: Hello, Apu; goodbye Stu! It would be a disgrace to my homeland if I didn't vote for Apu. Our people have to stick together, ya know. Just think, if we weren't around, who'd own the Kwik-E-Marts of the world complete with shrines to Hindu gods?! Who'd father the octuplets?! Who?! Who?! The '70s rejects who can't even get laid? No, I do not think so! Now put down that Squishee and declare Apu the winner!
(Besides, how could I not side with a guy who's last name virtually as long and unpronounceable as my own?)
Liane Aronchick: Gotta be Apu. Anyone who wears an artificial udder to feed his eight children has got the disco pimp beat. Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I do!
David Vecsey: Despite Apu's clear advantage in being fully ingrained in the day-to-day heartbeat of Springfield, I think Disco Stu gets by on his dedication to the sexy beat of synthesized drums and day-go shirts. His big debut alone was priceless, turning down a denim jacket emblazoned with words "Disco Stu" at the Simpson yard sale -- stating, I believe, "Disco Stu doesn't advertise" ... Well, allow me to toot his horn then.
Plus, like Don Cherry, I believe there are too many foreigners taking jobs away from good hardworking Canadian boys.
(10) Hans Moleman 24, 
(7) Reverend Lovejoy 21
Oh, doctor! What a barn-burner we just had. Reverend Lovejoy trailed going into Monday morning, but a late 4-1 push had the Rev looking for a last-second Hail Mary. But when it comes to football, we all know nothing ... and I mean NOTHING ... can top "Hans Moleman productions presents 'Man Getting Hit By Football.' " And with that, Hans Moleman and his sore groin advance to the second round, 24-21.
Gwendolyn Kestrel: Reverend Lovejoy. Anyone who advised Ned Flanders to join another major religion ("They're all pretty much the same.") has my respect!
Mark Haubner: Seven words: man getting hit in groin by football. It works on so many levels.
James Quintong: Hans Moleman is probably the most underrated supporting character on the show. He hosts his own morning show, he's been hit in the groin with a football, he drives a Gremlin, he works as a janitor for Mr. Burns ("Ow! My brain!"). And how many times has he been killed or just cheated death?
Michael Visaya: Hans Moleman, all the way. He reminds me of this moron I work with and I am prejudiced against reverends.
Mike Selinker: The toughest matchup yet. In a squeaker I vote for the Moleman, because he has a network of subterranean tunnels and the Mole Monsters at his disposal. Curse you, surface dwellers!
Oh, THAT Moleman. Well, I still vote for him. After all, Selma decided he was too ugly to be the father of her children. Too ugly to be the father of Selma's children. Wow. That guy deserves my pity.
Paul Campion: Hans Moleman. Maybe it's my rampant anti-Protestant bias speaking here, but Lovejoy doesn't deserve to advance. His rendition of "Johnny Row Your Boat Ashore" displayed malevolent indifference to the standards of Western chromaticism, while Hans' only crime was loving too much.
Jeanne Gilbert: The good reverend highlights all that is wrong about modern-day religion (and all that is right about modern-day model trains). Moleman merely highlights curmudgeonliness. Lovejoy advances; Moleman spouts sour grapes.
(1) Ned Flanders 29, 
(16) Santa's Little Helper 9
Santa's Little Helper didn't stand a chance. Not only has a No. 16 seed never defeated a No. 1 seed in the Road to Springfield, but it's clear that Ned also had the power of the Lord on his side. Or has Ned inked a more devious pact to ensure his triumph?
Viet Nguyen: While I positivily-doodily support the underdog dog, not even my warped sense of value can make me vote against Flanders in this lopsided matchup. Satan's Little Helper is goin' down (on Ned's leg).
Jeff Grubb: Ned Flanders - He's Christ-alicious!
Lance Anderson: I vote for Santa's Little Helper. He's a father of 25 and he has his own credit card.
Mike Selinker: Santa's Little Helper. His first appearance is the only Simpsons episode in which I actually cried. Well, other than Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Trent Trail: Flanders. Plain and simple ... even though he screams like a girl and loves purple drapes, the Simpsons should have gotten that dog with an "un-twistable stomach!" Then their beloved pet may have had a chance. Plus Flanders is buff. Okaly Dokaly!
Jeanne Gilbert: Although he saved Christmas, assisted Homer and Bart's grifting scheme, and rescued Bart from Burns' attack dogs, Santa's Little Helper is fated to be the eternal underdog. I have to vote for that son-of-a-diddley Flanders, who has become quite the Uberdog. And he cuts a figure to rival Groundskeeper Willie, to boot.
(6) Comic Book Guy 33, 
(11) Chalmers 5
Apparently CBG learned a thing or two about the sweet science after purchasing too many "She-Hulk vs. Leon Spinks" comics. He didn't even need to distract Chalmers with a very rare Mary Worth or an animation cell of Snaggle Puss.
Scott Magner: Comic Book Guy, all the way. Anybody who knows the diference between a coffee stain and diet Mr. Pibb, while at the same time bartering the souls of children is all right by me.
Bill Collins: Comic Book Guy. Youth will be served. Because it is too lazy to get up and serve itself.
C. Trent Rosencrans: Worst matchup ever...I feel for "Supernintendo" Chalmers, I really do. It's like Fresno State getting Duke in the first round. You want them to do well, but you know they've got no shot...that said, Comic-Book Guy gets the vote.
Jeff Grubb: Surely you jest. As can be noted, a super-intendent is not a super-man, and CBG is kryptonite dumped into his shorts of solitude. I vote Comic Book Guy!
Jeanne L. Gilbert: Is there a Klingon word for trouncing? This winner is Comic Book Guy, hands down.
Dan Shmikler: Comic Book Guy is clearly the superior. If his victory is not recorded, you can rest assured that I shall be on the Internet within moments, registering my displeasure worldwide.
But let us all remember the venom Chalmers is capable of spitting:
Skinner: Not the pronoun, but rather a player with the unlikely name of "Who" is on first.
Chalmers: Well that's just great, Seymour. We've been out here six seconds and you've already managed to blow the routine. [storms off, muttering] Sexless freak.